Saying the opposite of what you think - the surprising habit the French and the "Heyoka" Lakotas have in common

-preparing for a vision quest at Bear Butte (in the background). The weather turned out to be very strong with freezing hail and snow storms at night. Can you notice how the hill looks like a laid-down pregnant woman?

I had promised I would write this yesterday but here it is today, a reminder to be careful about my promises, “under promise and over deliver” is always a good rule also if I say “I will write about this tomorrow” it’s a “contract” with myself and also with you so I should hold it. Just working on my self consciousness here as I am taking this newsletter as something really important for me, as much as everything I say or do.

Just spent some time with my friend Anton Bilton and talked about this, it made him laugh so a good occasion for a post.

I am French and have lived there for my first 40 years before moving for 13 years in Silicon Valley then spent a year in the Amazon forest over the last three years. I love France and the French and still feel French.

I am asking my French friends to not be offended by the below.

I am recording a podcast episode now with each newsletter and I think I express this post much better with my voice than here, please listen if you feel like, you can also subscribe to it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

I have learned for 3 years with another spiritual training, called the “Red road”.

I always like to go to the source, where the indigenous knowledge is from, so I got introduced to a native teacher in South Dakota and did two first vision quests near “Bear Butte” (already wrote about preparing for the vision quest) followed by another in Mexico. The vision quests and Sundances are very “popular” in Mexico too.

The work is based on sweat lodges and isolation for up to 4 days in a tiny space with no food, no water and just some clothes.

The vision quests are preparation for the Sun Dance (not the festival!) which is a very extreme initiation over 4 years, I completed two of them, 2 more to go at least.

-in front of the flags, a delimitated space where I was going to try to spend 4 days and 4 nights without drinking and without eating anything.

The Lakota master I worked with I learned later is “Heyoka” here is what Wikipedia says about them:

“The Heyókȟa is thought of as being backwards-forwards, upside-down, or contrary in nature. This manifests by their doing things backwards or unconventionally—riding a horse backwards, wearing clothes inside-out, or speaking in a backwards language. For example, if food is scarce, a heyókȟa may sit around and complain about how full he is; during a baking hot heat wave, a heyókȟa might shiver with cold and put on gloves and cover himself with a thick blanket.”

They work with the opposites and back to the topic of this post, they also talk in a very strange way, saying the opposite of what they mean.

They train their students by often saying things that are hurtful and definitely upset me many times. The purpose as I understand it now is to get you to get to an anger state to better release it during the vision quest or sweat lodge. I definitely got really angry.

What does this has to do with the French?

It’s very well known that the French like to complain and to joke by saying the opposite of what they think. For example “the cheese in this restaurant really sucks” while we are enjoying it. I have been talking like this since my childhood, the French also call it “talking using second degree”. I got trapped many times by upsetting my friends especially my American friends as they are very sensitive to it and it’s not very common.

For example I took one day a group photo of a family that asked me to take a shot. They looked awesome on the photo, a really nice family, but I found they should smile a bit more, do something fun with their arms, etc.

I could have said “smile for the photo, do something fun” - “cheese” we’d say in “French”

Instead I said “you guys really look boring right now, come-on you can do better”.

It was obviously a joke and all I wanted was to be nice and make them look good. They did not understand my words this way and got very offended and upset instead. The result ended-up the opposite of what I was hoping and they kinda hated me for a while. It took me a few of these mistakes and almost losing good friends over it to realize it was a cultural programming I had in my way of talking that was completely misunderstood in many places and particularly in California.

Spending time with teachers who “talk like knives” and use a few words to bluntly say what they think made me work on stopping using “second language” or “trick by saying the opposite”.

I practice saying straight what I think and not the opposite as I had bad consequences using “Heyoka” way of speaking.

Nothing wrong with them or the French, I like them both and this “sport” can get very fun if it’s understood, I enjoy listening to it in France, but I am working on “reprogramming” the way I talk now.